One year later.

So, first post in a long time. I'm pretty sure no-one even reads this, but somehow sharing my thoughts with whoever does read or stumble upon this helps.

My father passed away, roughly a year ago. He had brain cancer. Multiple operations,  chemotherapy and radiation. None of the treatments helped. I think I somehow knew, when he was diagnosed that he was going to die. Strange how that happens... I knew and throughout his sickness we shared a lot. He told me stories of his young days. How he met my mom, how she was the light in his life. Shared his stories of war (he was a Parabat in the South African Defense Force) He told me of his businesses, how they were successful, how they failed. We shared a lot during those months. Before he lost the use of his legs, we would stay awake and just talk. He told me his life story. How he forgave his mother for never telling him who his real father was, how he forgave his stepfather for all the bad times. He told me about the mistakes he had made in his own marriage. I told him how I'd forgiven him. I told him how I got my heart broken. He gave me advice. I told him everything. We shared everything. He was and will always be my best friend.

My dad fell down a lot in his life but he ALWAYS got back up. He never gave up. Even in the face of hopelessness, he never let it get him down. I hope that I can be half the man that he was, half the father he was.

I think about him every day. I see him in my sister and in myself. I cherish those memories. I miss him but despite that I am satisfied that he lived a full life. He changed many lives and most of all he made me who I am. I love the fact that I'm becoming more and more like him. He still is my role model.

I am very proud to say that I am my father's son.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l9AVCNo_8J4&feature=related

Freedom Day.

Today was a very important day in South African history. Freedom Day. It celebrates the first post-Apartheid democratic elections in our history.

Thank you Nelson Mandela and all the others who fought for equality.

"Their Names Liveth For Ever More"

Death.

I wish I had something profound to say. Something inspirational that would help other people face the pain of losing someone close to them. I don't unfortunately. All I can say is that it never goes away. The pain doesn't go away.

The way that I see it is 'what would he want me to do?' Would he want me to just wallow in sorrow? I think not. My father always told me to celebrate life, even after death. Celebrate the life someone lived. Remember them as they were, without the cancer or whatever they might have suffered from.

The way I remember my father is that, even on his death bed, he would still crack a joke and laugh from his big belly. He would laugh so loud that the whole oncology ward would light up. So, even though I am very sad, I feel blessed to have known him.

I am my father's son.

"These mist covered mountains
Are a home now for me
But my home is the lowlands
And always will be
Some day you'll return to
Your valleys and your farms
And you'll no longer burn
To be brothers in arms

Through these fields of destruction
Baptisms of fire
I've witnessed your suffering
As the battles raged higher
And though they hurt me so bad
In the fear and alarm
You did not desert me
My brothers in arms

There's so many different words
So many different songs
We have just one world
But we live in different ones

Now the sun's gone to hill
And the moon's riding high
Let me bid you farewell
Every man has to die
But it's written in the starlight
And every line on your palm
We're fools to make war
On our brothers in arms"

- Brothers in Arms by Dire Straits

Welcome 2011.

Welcome to a new year. 2011 has started out with a bit of a bang. Good and bad bangs. I've been quite busy with a lot of very exciting projects coming up. One of my best friends spent the better side of two months with me in Pretoria. It's funny, I never really realised what a big part of my life he is...

Also, there are some bad things that came with the new year. Got some bad news concerning a very important person in my life. Cancer is slowly eating away at his body and there is nothing that science can do for him. The threat of death always brings strange feelings... Don't really know how to explain it other than exhausting.

Mornings.

There's something very personal about mornings. I feel very solitary. I mean early though, before sunrise. When everything is bathed in a pastel blue-purple colour. It's a very good feeling because I've been feeling a little boxed in lately. Crowded.

I'm glad to have pre-sunrise mornings. I'm glad because I feel like they belong to only me. It's only me in the world and even though that's quite silly it's the way that I like it.

It reminds me of a character in a book I read recently, My Friend Leonard by James Frey. He walks through a deserted Chicago in the wee small hours of the morning. It gives him time to think, escape in a way.

It's a good book, you should read it.

Listen to January Rain by David Gray as well. But listen to it just before sunrise.

Don't know what I'm saying anymore, I fear the lack of sleep is now catching up with me.

Enjoy.

Haven't done this in a while...

I was quite put off of blogging for a while... I couldn't think of anything to write and I was quite annoyed with the idea of thinking of something intellectual to blog about.

I then realised that I was being quite silly, like Steven Biko said "I write what I like" So here I am, I've made my comeback.

I will be posting more often now.

Finally...

I just got the new Editors album, In This Light and On This Evening, and it's brilliant. I have to admit that I was never really a fan but this album is just amazing. They're finally making music that suits Tom Smith's unique voice. Have a listen it's awesome...

Also recently got the new Pearl Jam and they just never cease to amaze. Eddie Vedder's voice is still just as ,or maybe a bit more, powerful. Get both these albums today!

On that note, here's a photo of Alex from Foto Na Dans. This guy has such amazing energy on stage, if you haven't seen them live do yourself a favour and check them out.